you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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