You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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