dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
