I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
