two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
