i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
