I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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