He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
