so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
