My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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