Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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