I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
