I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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