We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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