we have officially lost it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
