Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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