What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
