That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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