Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
