I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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