My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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