I murdered the dance floor call the cops
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
did you just send me my own nude
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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