operation harelip BJ is a go
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
