hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
