Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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