Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's shark week go big or go home
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
