jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
