You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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