there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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