One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
