Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
