dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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