I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
