Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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