i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
