So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
