The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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