i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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