i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
