I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
