Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
