After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
