i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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