I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize