So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
