You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize