The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can I color on your dick again?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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