The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
