so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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