Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
