One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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