I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
