i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
