I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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