I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
