so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
