They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
