if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
