Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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