I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
is that a dick in a sweater?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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