I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
