During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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