The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
