Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
