I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize