You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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