My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you had me at cake vodka
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
