So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
