Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize