im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
