I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
