here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
