If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
