you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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