it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
