Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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