trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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