Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A bitchslap is in order.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
