they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
