My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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