well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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