i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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