EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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