i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
