I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize